As my 30th birthday fast approached during this crazy year we’ve had, it got me thinking about who I truly am deep down and the lessons I’ve learned that made me who I am today. This trip to Sedona has been refreshing and spiritual and uplifting in so many ways – it was the perfect place to start a new decade (and to banish 2020).
I want my life to always be filled with all of the things that make me, me with no regrets or apologies.
Below is a note that I’ve added to my phone over the last year. I decided when I turned 29, I wanted to write in this note as the year went on and reflect. It was quite therapeutic to just ramble on about who I am, and I’m grateful for all the people in my life who have played a part along the way.
Here we go-
I feel all the feelings. I’m emotional when things are happy, sad, and even for people that I don’t know when I come across their stories. I cannot watch America’s got talent, Ellen, or anything of the like without sobbing. I’m this way because I love to see people win and go after their dreams- it lights my soul on fire.
I am goofy, like so freaking silly it’s freeing. I can be loud, I can be quiet, I wear my heart on my sleeve but I also fiercely protect it.
I get overly excited about most anything, I’m a total fan girl and I live for it.
I’m passionate, kind, and CIA level observant. My goal in any social situation is to make sure everyone feels comfortable without making it obvious for someone who may not be.
Some say I’m opinionated, I say I took the time to to educate myself.
I’ve learned that being sweet to everyone at all costs isn’t the right answer. I was raised to be loving and kind, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have a backbone. I have tried to avoid drama at all costs and in the past that lead to me rolling over and not standing up for myself.
This leads me into apologizing. When you’ve hurt someone, even unintentionally, I’ve found it’s best not to just say sorry and make excuses, but to sincerely apologize. If someones meant to be in my life, I’m willing to do my part in valuing our friendship or relationship and have tough conversations.
I forgive and forget but I don’t believe you always need to forget … just like I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, it doesn’t. That’s a bold faced lie. Read that again.
I am a fiercely loyal and loving friend and those of you who are in my circle know it. Even if we don’t speak everyday you know I’d be there for you at noon or 3 AM. I’m proud to speak those words of myself without the validation of others. Only YOU know your true loyalty.
I’m a giver and a fighter. I fight for what’s right and I fight for myself when I feel wronged. Sometimes I am wrong, and I celebrate that.
I don’t back down easily under pressure, but I’ve gotten better at knowing when to take a step back. Trying and failing is normal. In fact, the more I’ve failed, the more determined I became.
I worry and think too deeply about the future sometimes to the point of tears. My parents and my family are my entire world and if that’s all I get in this life it would wholeheartedly be enough for me. I am lucky.
Car karaoke by myself is my favorite hobby. I’m sure I’m the star of many snap chats at stoplights on the daily! The beautiful thing is I could care less. Nothing makes me feel freer than screaming lyrics at the top of my lungs with my hair blowing in the wind.
I don’t get embarrassed for any reason ever because I truly don’t care what others think of me. What a boring waste of time, energy, and champagne! Live your freaking life. Your opinion of me is none of my business and I will not allow outside opinions determine the value of my choices.
Lyrics, poems, and words alone…pure infatuation. I’m deeply passionate about good songwriting and storytelling, and I’m a sucker for one with soul that sounds good in my vocal range.
I love to laugh until it physically hurts, and I believe sometimes you need a good cry even when you’re doing everything you possibly can not to break.
I’m a day dreamer. I start a million projects at once rarely completing the majority. I’m working on that.
I don’t give multiple chances to people who cause me pain – I’ve learned that hard lesson too many times to count at the tender age of 17. You’re a good person or you’re not, and I can’t change you. I’m grateful for this lesson because it made me the strong-willed, know what I deserve, no-nonsense person I am today. I can only hope most men and women experience this and learn from it at a young age so they can go into adulthood with posture in relationships. Both friendships and romantic.
Giving back is one of the top 5 reasons I feel I was put on this earth. It brings me more joy than anything.
I love children with every ounce of my being and I can’t wait to be a mom. (Well I can but I can’t, you get what I mean)
I have a soft spot for the elderly and I literally can’t handle seeing them be messed with or picked on by younger generations, it makes me ill. I feel the same way about kids and teens who are bullied. Be kind. Teach your children right from wrong. Their behavior is literally learned from you and what you expose them to. Teach kindness and compassion. Teach diversity and understanding. Teach inclusion. TEACH with your own actions and words.
I want my life to always be filled with all of the things that make me, me with no regrets or apologies. As I enter my 30’s I promise to keep being bold and tender, to keep giving and loving and living, and most importantly I promise to keep loving myself at the top of my list of priorities. I can only hope as we conclude 2020, you’ll start to think about who you want to be at your core, and stop worrying so much about what others want you to be.
Hey there, 30. I’m ready for you… ?
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